I Have A Confession

My 10 month old doesn't sleep through the night. There. I said it. She has got me whooped! Bad Mommy! I know. I could give you a slew of excuses for it.

But, here are my top 2:

1. I'm a working Mom and don't mind seeing her multiple times throughout the night for feedings. I feel it makes up for lost time some how. Working Mom guilt. Ugh!
2. We have gotten her sleep trained on a few occasions in the past but have back peddled due to colds, teething and ear infections.

I put off even TRYING sleep training for as long as I possibly could. She was probably ready for it long before I was. I don't know how you other Mommas feel out there, but teaching my baby to "cry-it-out" is the closest thing to torture that I have ever exprerienced. 

This is usually how it goes:

It starts with the standard bedtime routine.  Bath, jammies, book, boob, bed. About 99% of the time I'm able to nurse her to sleep. Another no, no, you say? You're probably right. I'll worry about that one later. One hurdle at a time. Thank you. As I was saying, it's all good until....she wakes up just a couple of hours later.  I give her a kiss, tell her it's okay, lie her back down and tell her it's bedtime. I leave the room. She proceeds to scream in protest. Let the torture commence! I sit on the couch in the living and hope it subsides as quickly as possible. It's tolerable at first but the longer it lasts, the longer I have to think up a reason why I HAVE to go in and SAVE her: 

Maybe she's teething.
Maybe she has an ear ache.
Maybe her little arm/foot is stuck in the crib slats.
Maybe I didn't feed her enough and she's  STARVING.
Maybe she has a tummy ache.
Maybe she pooped and needs a daiper change. 
Maybe she misses me cause I worked all day and she only got see me for a few hours today.
Maybe, maybe, maybe....

Before I had a baby I had NO idea the kind of response a parent has to the cry of their very own child!  It BLOWS!
Everything in my being just wants to go in there and stick a boob in her mouth to quiet all of that racket! But alas, instant gratification is not good for her or me. At least not for the long term....

That being said. We have started down the road to sleep once again. We started working at it the night before last and we're definitly making progress. Maybe my skin is thickening. Maybe I'm just getting honest with myself about how much I REALLY do miss sleeping for more than 3-4 hours at a time. She woke up twice last night and I let her cry herself back to sleep. I think tonight she might just sleep THE WHOLE night. I'm kinda looking forward to a little REM sleep again....